Adjusting

I blogged a while back about my son being diagnosed with a speech delay. I told you I knew before the "official" word was used, and I also mentioned that I was willing to do anything to help.

Obviously, I am his mother and I love him 1000% no matter what the circumstances. Sometimes, especially lately, I am getting so frustrated with the situation that I can barely stand it. This past week he was sick, and we retreated back into some old habits that I thought we had broken him of.

When he was small, like brand new baby small, he HATED his Dad. Nobody could figure it out. He was a Mommas boy, and therefore I was in a prison consisting of the walls of my home. I could not leave with or without him. It was horrible. Dad was questioning himself a lot, and we were all stressed out beyond belief. Unimaginable stress!

About 1 year later all that passed and he decided that Dad was okay after all. I was able to get out of the house for a quick trip to the grocery store, or run and get a coffee. I thought all that was gone for good. Until last week.

The boy was sick last week, fever, whiny etc. He wanted his momma and I understood that. What I didn't, and still don't understand is the fact that Dad is not an "approved" person anymore. It's back to me. All me. Sis, maybe. No Dad. Except when Dad asks permission to look at him and the boy agrees. (You think I am kidding or exaggerating, your wrong!)All of the stress of before has returned. Dad doesn't want to come home from work (Thank God he still does!)and he certainly doesn't feel any form of love or admiration from the boy.

As hard as you try to contain these feelings, they start to carry over to your marriage. I'm sure Dad wants to run away, and frankly, me too. I'll run.

All this stress, and then add that the boy can not communicate his feelings. Well he can in the form of a blood curdling, ear piercing scream. He also has taken to hitting himself in the head and banging his head on the floor or wall. I can't imagine not being able to communicate. Poor boy.

Speech Therapy starts next Monday. That's good. So far today, Dad is approved, that is good. They are playing as I am typing. Thank God for small minutes of peace!!!