Hey listen, this post is going to be horribly whiny and gross. I'm being such a wimp right now that I can barely stand it, but it's 1am. There no one else to vent too. I guess you drew the short straw.
I know that my certain little area of heartache and grief as a Military wife are not even close to the situations of others. I have always said that there are others far worse off than I, and I do remember that as I type out all my tears here tonight. I'm lucky. I know that. When stuff happens as it's never happened before and there is no rhyme or reason sometimes it just turns the knife and makes it seem unbearable for a quick cry and a brief pull your shit together talk to your inner most core. I'll get over it. I have no other option.
See, the Hub has been home with a broken leg. He's been home for 3 months. Constant contact 24/7 for 3 months. His ship is out testing for future deployments and he is not on it. He is here. We were given a date of when he would fly out to the boat. That date was a few weeks away. Today, just about 3 hours ago it was moved up to less than 48 hours and he flies out. We have out of town plans that now have to be canceled, kids hearts to break and a wife who at this very moment feels horribly unprepared.
I knew he was going to have to go, heck after all the 24/7 the last few months I was kinda looking forward to it. We had a date, a plan. We haven't breathed a word of this to the kids because it was still pretty far away. and what pisses me off the most is that he is being flown down there to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING except wait for the boat in another location away from his family. FUCKING STUPID. I'm losing all my manners and I really am sorry about all that, but I am just so sick and tired of having to hear my kids go through this grief process. and how the hell do you say in the morning that Dad has to go back to the boat tomorrow? How can I look them in the eye and give them NO WARNING? I can't do it. Except for the fact that I have to do it. I have no choice. None. zero. I have no control.
My daughter asked me the other day on the way home from school if she was going to stay in the same school this year instead of moving. She's been to 3 schools, she's in 2nd grade. It's horrible. I feel guilty that she has to wonder about those things.
4 more years, 3 if I want to distort the image a bit in my head. Sometimes that helps. Daughter will be 10, son will be 6 and I never, ever want to move again.
Military has it's perks. Good perks. I just wish the unknown was more predictable. I HATE losing control, HA like I had any in the first place........I especially hate 48 hour notices when they've had 3 fucking months to plan for this.
So anyway- I'm here crying at the computer because I can't cry up in bed, and I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. It's gonna be an all niter with a side of crying headache in the morning. I can't talk to the hub cause that would just turn this facial facet to pour and he's got enough going on to worry about my little emotional blah. He's just happy to go back to work. I can understand that.
This post might not see the light of day. It's embarrassing. but hey, you're a good ear and a strong shoulder. Thanks.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Full speed Ah...e....a......d......
Can't afford gas. Can't afford to go visit/camp/travel etc. It's depressing. This is the first week it has been over $4.09 a gallon, and I just can't do it. I can't do it without vomiting, that is, so therefore I stay away.
I have a 1/3 of a tank, and it needs to last me until January. LOL. I wonder if the new guy can fix it in the first 100 days? I bet not, but anything that gets shaved off I will be grateful for.
Until then, we are home bodies. Oh well.
I have a 1/3 of a tank, and it needs to last me until January. LOL. I wonder if the new guy can fix it in the first 100 days? I bet not, but anything that gets shaved off I will be grateful for.
Until then, we are home bodies. Oh well.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I'm back!
This is amazing, I'm blogging 2 days in a row!
Today was a good day. I went to a nice breakfast with the Hub and we ended up solving some issues, and coming up with some plans to follow through on them. Most are not in our control however. Letting go is such a hard thing when you feel you are being taken advantage of. I hate that in the back of my head I know that this problem, this situation is permanent and I can bang my head against the wall as many times as I want but it won't make a dent. It's so frustrating. I'm a fixer, and a helper, and sometimes a push over and when I can't fix/help/or etc I seem to lose my mind. It's like Ron White says "You Can't Fix Stupid!" no matter how hard you try to force it.
I got the corn planted in the garden today. I was a bit behind on that but I hope it won't effect it much. We ate our first thinning of lettuce last night in our salad and that was delicious! I love how fresh and flavorful it was! I can't wait until the peas and tomatoes and carrots are ready! Yum...
The chick are great, they are so fun to watch. Each has their own personality. They are growing so fast though, they are out of the fur ball stage and are getting their permanent feathers now. I am surprised that they all have made it. The store suggests buying 25% more chicks than you want to raise to allow for disease and such. All of these are happy and chirping and pecking away. In case you want to know and/or participate a bit here on the mini farm, 4 of the 6 have names. We still need 2 more. So far we have a Batman, which is black and is our sons. We have Peeper which I keep thinking a dirty name and have to make sure I get it right in my head before I say it out loud. She's white and is my daughters. We also have 4 R.I. reds, and two of those are named. Henny Penny is Moms, and I named another Rosie. Truth be told you can't tell them apart but oh well. It's fun to name them anyway. I'm so glad these are egg layers and not meat birds! I'm such a sucker.
We have a coyote that is stocking our horses lately. It's very abnormal behavior for them to consider a horse for dinner but in this case I am not a sucker at all. I've been known to be a pretty decent shot and since Hub got a Ruger with the stimulus check he'll be dead as a door nail if he returns. (the coyote, not the hub) :) I once saw a bumper sticker that said "You can leave with my husband, but don't touch my horse"
Anyhow, not much else. I'll try to get a decent picture of the baby bird and the nest but I'm being very conscious not to disturb them. If I'm able I will, I promise.
Toodles
Today was a good day. I went to a nice breakfast with the Hub and we ended up solving some issues, and coming up with some plans to follow through on them. Most are not in our control however. Letting go is such a hard thing when you feel you are being taken advantage of. I hate that in the back of my head I know that this problem, this situation is permanent and I can bang my head against the wall as many times as I want but it won't make a dent. It's so frustrating. I'm a fixer, and a helper, and sometimes a push over and when I can't fix/help/or etc I seem to lose my mind. It's like Ron White says "You Can't Fix Stupid!" no matter how hard you try to force it.
I got the corn planted in the garden today. I was a bit behind on that but I hope it won't effect it much. We ate our first thinning of lettuce last night in our salad and that was delicious! I love how fresh and flavorful it was! I can't wait until the peas and tomatoes and carrots are ready! Yum...
The chick are great, they are so fun to watch. Each has their own personality. They are growing so fast though, they are out of the fur ball stage and are getting their permanent feathers now. I am surprised that they all have made it. The store suggests buying 25% more chicks than you want to raise to allow for disease and such. All of these are happy and chirping and pecking away. In case you want to know and/or participate a bit here on the mini farm, 4 of the 6 have names. We still need 2 more. So far we have a Batman, which is black and is our sons. We have Peeper which I keep thinking a dirty name and have to make sure I get it right in my head before I say it out loud. She's white and is my daughters. We also have 4 R.I. reds, and two of those are named. Henny Penny is Moms, and I named another Rosie. Truth be told you can't tell them apart but oh well. It's fun to name them anyway. I'm so glad these are egg layers and not meat birds! I'm such a sucker.
We have a coyote that is stocking our horses lately. It's very abnormal behavior for them to consider a horse for dinner but in this case I am not a sucker at all. I've been known to be a pretty decent shot and since Hub got a Ruger with the stimulus check he'll be dead as a door nail if he returns. (the coyote, not the hub) :) I once saw a bumper sticker that said "You can leave with my husband, but don't touch my horse"
Anyhow, not much else. I'll try to get a decent picture of the baby bird and the nest but I'm being very conscious not to disturb them. If I'm able I will, I promise.
Toodles
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Remember Me?
Remember me? I've been a stranger in these parts lately. I don't understand why I can't just sit down and blog at least twice a week. Seriously, I'm not that busy that I can't spend time with you all (or you one, LOL)
In any case, If you're here and you'd like an update continue reading. If you're new here, I am so sorry. This Blog is very boring and unless you're really bored...really really bored, you might want to continue on to somewhere else. Unless of course you like to read little tid bits of boring same ol life o mine news.
First to follow up on the last post way back when. My super duper Hubster got me a very nice saddle for Mothers Day, just as requested. What a good man I have! So good infact that when I came home with 6 new little friends (see pic#1) He scrambled to go make me one of these (see pic #2) Ain't he nice? I think so. He spent all weekend on it, and even has remodeled it since the pics were taken. I am so excited for the little buggers to learn how to use the roosts and start laying eggs!
Next item to bore you with is the fact that I got glasses. Now don't get all excited. I've had a dang gum prescription for spectacles for a long time. (ahem, bifocals) but I could never get used to wearing them so they sat in the case and never saw the light of day. These new ones are for my astigmatism, and frankly, they suck too. Well I like them and all but they make me feel like I am walking on my knees. It really screws with my eyes. I'm wearing them, off and on, but just need to buckle down and do it. I'll let you know when that ever happens.
Third. Have you ever had food poisoning? If you have then 'nuff said. If you haven't then don't join the club. Initiation is a bitch of the worst variety, adding a sunburn on top of that is worse, I don't recommend that either!
I'll leave you with a little good news. There is a birds nest out where we keep our hay. The momma bird built the nest in the plastic bag where we keep the twine.It's about at shoulder level and you can see everything going on. Today I peeked in there and the little baby is doing just fine, all you can really see is feet and beak, kinda cute.
Hope you are all doing well.
In any case, If you're here and you'd like an update continue reading. If you're new here, I am so sorry. This Blog is very boring and unless you're really bored...really really bored, you might want to continue on to somewhere else. Unless of course you like to read little tid bits of boring same ol life o mine news.
First to follow up on the last post way back when. My super duper Hubster got me a very nice saddle for Mothers Day, just as requested. What a good man I have! So good infact that when I came home with 6 new little friends (see pic#1) He scrambled to go make me one of these (see pic #2) Ain't he nice? I think so. He spent all weekend on it, and even has remodeled it since the pics were taken. I am so excited for the little buggers to learn how to use the roosts and start laying eggs!
Pic #1
Pic #2
Next item to bore you with is the fact that I got glasses. Now don't get all excited. I've had a dang gum prescription for spectacles for a long time. (ahem, bifocals) but I could never get used to wearing them so they sat in the case and never saw the light of day. These new ones are for my astigmatism, and frankly, they suck too. Well I like them and all but they make me feel like I am walking on my knees. It really screws with my eyes. I'm wearing them, off and on, but just need to buckle down and do it. I'll let you know when that ever happens.
Third. Have you ever had food poisoning? If you have then 'nuff said. If you haven't then don't join the club. Initiation is a bitch of the worst variety, adding a sunburn on top of that is worse, I don't recommend that either!
I'll leave you with a little good news. There is a birds nest out where we keep our hay. The momma bird built the nest in the plastic bag where we keep the twine.It's about at shoulder level and you can see everything going on. Today I peeked in there and the little baby is doing just fine, all you can really see is feet and beak, kinda cute.
Hope you are all doing well.
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